King Danny the Diminutive

Once upon a time, not so long ago in the kingdom of Morton Grove there were two public houses.

Once upon a time

One house, the Studio was known for fine food and drink while the other, Maxwell’s was more suited to the common citizen. Maxwell’s was known as a public house where many of the older serfs could get a decent meal for few dollars and this pleased the populace.

It came to pass that during the reign of King Daniel the Frail these public houses were placed into a District of TIF because the advisors to King Daniel the Frail convinced the King that this would modernize and improve the kingdom without asking the serfs for more taxes. Since it was well known that serfs hated paying taxes to the Royal Treasury King Daniel the frail decided this was a good thing. old king

As time went by, the people became restless with King Daniel the frail, and replaced him with Prince Richard the slick, who was a vassal of King Calvin the Connected.

Prince Richard the Slick promised the people many good things. evil king

He promised better services; he promised lower taxes; he promised open government, but his promises were empty. He did not remove the hated tax of the refuse; he and his varlets increased the taxes on the serfs’ hovels by 28%. It seemed as if all of the bad things the serfs had complained about under King Daniel the Frail were compounded twofold under Prince Richard the Slick.

In time, a real estate speculation guild purchased the land upon which the public houses stood. They petitioned Prince Richard the Slick to tear down the public houses and replace them with luxury hovels for the serfs. The guild assured the prince that they would not require any money from the public treasury to perform this miracle; and that by building these luxury hovels they would increase the taxes paid into the prince’s treasury without taking any more taxes from the current serfs. The varlets advising Prince Richard the Slick thought this was a wonderful idea, since at least one member of the real estate speculation guild was experienced in assessing risks, and so they advised the Prince to go for it… which he did.

Much time went by and no hovels were built. Plans were changed many times and still no hovels were built. Finally, the real estate speculation guild came to Prince Richard the Slick and said; “We need money out of the Royal treasury before we can build the luxury hovels for the serfs.”panic dollar

Prince Richard called for a hearing on the matter, which is a funny name for a meeting where neither the Prince nor his varlets listen to anything because they have already made up their minds beforehand.

Eventually the people once again became restless with Prince Richard the Slick and replaced him with Count Daniel the Fair. Count Daniel the fair was, well, bland.

good king He did not give rousing speeches. He did not make grandiose promises, but quietly plodded along working to try to undo the damage that had been done to the realm by Prince Richard the Slick. He eliminated the unnecessary positions at the palace that had been given to vassals of Richard the Slick, which made the vassals very unhappy. He cut the budget of the many departments in the palace and caused the knights and their pages to work hard, which caused grumbling amongst the knights and pages. Even though it was a time of recession and economic scarcity, his actions caused the kingdoms’ bond rating to rise. But after a time, because Count Daniel the Fair was seen as boring, some of the vassals who were still loyal to Prince Richard the Slick saw a way to remove Count Daniel the fair.


Firstly, they plied Vassal Danny the Short  DiMaria behind the curtain with flattery, telling him that he would make a much better king that Count Daniel the Fair.

They further courted the favor of Vassal Billy the Bufoon,  dwarf jestertelling him how smart he was and what a great prime
minister he would make to Vassal Danny the Short. The conspirators, known then as the Party of Caw Cuss, executed a coup de tat and Count Daniel the Fair was deposed and vassal Danny the Short was installed as King Danny the Diminutive.

dwarf prince

King Danny the Diminutive made sweeping promises of new businesses for the kingdom. Danny the Diminutive made flowery speeches and his picture was spread about the realm copiously. But, nothing got done. No new good new business came to the kingdom, (there were a few houses of questionable morality where lots were cast and dice were rolled electronically). pigs at the money trough

Money that was supposed to go into improvement in the kingdom was spent for hiring political consultants that once again, Danny the Diminutive promised great reward, and, once again, nothing happened. The streets of the realm were not fixed. The cost of water to the peasants hovels kept going up and up. pay-to-play

And yet, King Danny the Diminutive kept making promises that were empty. He had no road map to follow in governing the kingdom. He had no compass to show him the compass

This on again off again approach is exactly how King Danny the Diminutive governs  Morton Grove. One minute he supports this and the next he supports that. The one finite mode of governing is King Danny the Diminutive’s Kingdom of Chicago style politics. If you not with him 100% then you are against him. He warns, “Don’t cross me or I will destroy you!”  He is 100%  in control of a out of control kingdom.

King Danny the Diminutive, in quiet moments, knows that he has not improved the lives of the peasants in the kingdom, but he also thinks like one of his royal heroes:

“Let them eat cake!”.   let them eat cake


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